I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
