it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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