you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
