Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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