Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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