Betty ford says i'm here all night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He did a backflip because drugs
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