I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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