my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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