Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
