When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
