I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
