Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
