Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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