big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
