Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
