i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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