The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
