dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
