Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
