I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
