I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
