So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
