So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
