"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
