Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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