Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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