Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
from now on my penis is your penis
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dicks are not precious.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
