So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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