She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
