I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
