Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
