k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
