Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
