I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
