I think my vagina is haunted
This house was built for laser tag.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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