I am puke
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
