Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Panties = found
Randomize
