I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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