Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
