Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
