I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
