Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
