Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
