the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
