People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
