she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
17 year olds will be the death of me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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