Pappa wants mamma naked
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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