I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
