So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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