He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
