Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
